Unlike the three OVA episodes that were released with the Cosmopolitan Prayers DVDs, Cosmopolitan Prayers: The Movie is a direct sequel to the series that spanned over eight 12-minute episodes. Now then, if you haven't seen Cosmopolitan Prayers yet, then good for you. My only advice for you is DON'T SEE COSMOPOLITAN PRAYERS. If you have seen it, then you have my deepest condolences. However, since there's no way I can erase the memory of the series from your mind unless I personally come over to your house and hit you over the head with a sledgehammer, the most I can do for you is to inform you about the movie sequel.

There have been many leaps and bounds in the field of anime since it first became widespread in the 1960s from the television debut of the popular manga Astro Boy. Since then, there has been progress in the animation, artwork, sound, and many other important aspects of what makes an anime so much fun to watch. However, it comes with great sadness for me to say that with the release of Cosmopolitan Prayers: The Movie on DVD, all of that progress has been lost, and we have in fact regressed to a point in the history of the planet in which primitive humans could barely formulate ideas on cave walls around the globe.

Unfortunately, even that is giving this... this "movie" too much credit. In an age where the animation industry is at its peak and sales across the world are booming, anime such as this sullies everything the industry stands for. How M.O.E., the studio behind this atrocity, could create something so horrible is beyond the limits of my imagination. Calling it a "joke" that the quasi-sequel, Smash Hit! used in order to achieve a level of humor that would make only hyenas laugh is no excuse for the creation of such an abomination.

A feature such as this, if it can even be classified as one due to it weighing in at a mere ten minutes (even shorter than a single EPISODE from the series), has no redeeming values whatsoever. Perhaps if this "movie" was as long as one episode of Cosprayers it would have been more bearable. Even I don't understand my reasoning behind saying that. After all, I gave the original series an extra quarter of a point because it was only twelve minutes long, so it's only logical that an even shorter amount of Cosprayers would get a higher score. Well, that was true with the uber-filler known as the Cosmopolitan Prayers OVA, but not this. If anything, the shorter length of this only gave its creators an excuse to try to fit more stupidity into a shorter amount of time.

The semblance of a story featured in this sequel to the series has something to do with lesbian relationships. Well, actually, that was apparently just a subplot, but it was certainly more interesting than the real story (not to mention that it was actually coherent). The real story has to do with invaders from outer space trying to steal the Cosprayers charm bracelets. If that sounds stupid to you for some reason, that's because it IS stupid.

The movie opens up by showing the group of social rejects known as the Cosprayers sitting around outside a restaurant reminiscing about old times when they were off saving the world. It is at this point I made the first mistake of my viewing experience: I thought to myself, "Hey, this might not actually be worse than the series!" Little did I know that I would find out in just a couple of seconds how wrong I was. You see, mere seconds after their IQ-lowering conversation which will go down in history as having the lamest crying scene in any anime ever, our moronic heroine Koto comes across Scarlet at last. Oh wait... it's not Scarlet, it's a member of a sect of the Galaxy Police that happens to look exactly like Scarlet. Before Koto realizes this, Scarlet french kisses her. Whaaaaaaa?

After being kissed, Koto, knowing exactly how Scarlet french kisses, comes to the realization that the person that put a tongue into her mouth is not Scarlet. To be fair, some time passes between "the scene" and her realization that it isn't Scarlet, but where's the fun in being fair? Now, I don't want to spoil the exciting conclusion for you, but I will say this about it: if you don't watch this movie at all, you don't even have to watch the awful ending. Think about it.

Like its predecessor, the artwork, though incredibly bizarre, can be quite good at times. Unlike its predecessor, the animation quality in this movie is absolutely terrible. As an example, the Galaxy Police attack the "bad guy" by turning into three slowly moving balls of light that collide with it, almost causing it as much discomfort as a mosquito bite. Now, if this was the Cosmopolitan Prayers series, it would at least have these Floating Balls of Death move at a velocity that was more bearable. Unfortunately, I suppose M.O.E. ran out of money and couldn't afford Floating Balls of Death that moved at a decent speed, so we are forced watch the terrible animation in slow, pitiful agony. Just who are they fighting, anyway? Well, apparently the villain in the movie goes by the name of "Dark Space Godfather." It doesn't help that the music nearly made my ears bleed. The greatest song in the series, Mirai He No Promise by Ayano Ahane, isn't even played in the ending. Boo.

However, there are a few technicalities preventing me from giving this a score of zero. First, there is such a small amount of fan service in this (a mere one panty shot that lasts for less than a second) that I can say with a smile on my face that it has a single redeeming quality. Second, it's my firm belief that giving an anime a zero means that it doesn't even exist. Oh, how I wish that was the case with Cosmopolitan Prayers: The Movie.